Pastors Edge

Adapted from Free to Soar (Regal Books, 2005)

Making the Most of a Minister's Wife

By Teresa Merritt

In today's society, everything is being maximized, especially womanhood. Yet I still sense that there are a lot of women who are unfulfilled. They are infulfilled in their life. They are unfulfilled in their ministry, in their home or in their role as a wife or mother. You wives need to realize the amazing things that God wants to do for them, if they will just let Him.

Many of your wives are not maximizing their womanhood. Many of your wives are wasting their days. I hope that the following story gives you and you wife pause for thought.

Shortly after Paul "Bear" Bryant, the college football coach, died, his family found a crumpled, yellowed piece of paper in his wallet. From its condition, it appeared as though he had carried this piece of paper with him for years and had unfolded it to read it many times. This is what was written on that paper:

This is the beginning of a new day. God has given me this day to use, as I will; I can waste it, or use it for good. What I do today is very important because I am exchanging a day of my life for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever leaving something in its place that I've traded for it. I want it to be a gain, not a loss; good not, evil; success, not failure, in order that I shall not regret the price that I paid for it."

If your wife is doubting her value to the Kingdom, the ministry, your church, or your home or family, the two of you need to begin focusing on the right priorities. These are priorities that God has given to every woman. They may not make your wife Wonder Woman, but they can make her a wonderful woman in the eyes of God. Spend some time with your wife focusing on the following four things that my husband and I have used in our own marriage:

1. Faith- Take a lesson from Eunice and Lois. II Timothy 1:5 tells us, "For I am mindful of the sincere faith within you, which first dwelt in your grandmother Lois, and your mother Eunice, and I am sure that it is in you as well (NASB)." These were women of genuine faith. You and your wife need a faith that seeks intimacy with God. Make it a point to pray and spend time in His word together. The woman who kneels to God can stand up to anything.

Too many women, pastr's wives included sacrafice time in the Word for hours - and I do mean hours - spent on reading magazines or novels, watching daytime TV, forwarding emails and talking on the phone. Even as partners in ministry, we can get too busy for God. When pressure mounts, set Kingdom priorities. WHen your schedule gets tight, your discipline must be tighter. If you don't inject faith into your day, someone or something else will insert itself.

2. Family- Priscilla was a partner with her husband (see Acts 18:26). Don't let your wife fade into the background. There is no better way for a minister's wife to maximize her womanhood than to partner with your husband. That partnership includes both the church and the family.

The greatest support that I gave my husband was taking the burdensome blessing of rearing my boys and making a Godly, happy, stable home for my family. We often joke that I was the "domestic goddess" but in reality, I was hard at work investing in 3 boys and a husband who will make a difference for my God.

I recognize that some of your wives have to work, especially if you pastor a smaller church. But I wouldn't trade anything for the joy of having been a stay-at-home mom. To maximize your wife's womanhood, you need to maximize her motherhood as much as possible. My husband always said that my homemaking was just as much a part of his ministry as his preaching. The same is true for you.

3. Fellowship- When I talk about fellowship, I don't mean what your wife does with her friends when they get together, talk about their husbands and eat cookie dough. I am talking about the fellowship of the Church. IN Romans 16:1-2 Paul writes, "I commend to you our sister Phoebe, a servant of the church in Cenchrea. I ask you to receive her in the Lord in a way worthy of the saints and to give her any help she may need from you, for she has been a great helpto many people, including me (NASB)." Your wife MUST be involved in a meaningful ministry. THe ministry is not a bed of roses and you need your wife to be your number one partner.

4. Friendships- Husbands, let your wife have time with their girlfriends. Stay home a night, take the kids off her hands, let her focus on her famale friendships. The model for this is Mary and Martha (see Luke 10:38-39). The longer I live, the more I realize how important friendships are. If I were Mary, my Marthas would be Pam, Linda, Joyce, and others. I don't know how I would live without them. Who are your wife's companions?

No matter how much your wife loves you, no matter how much your wife loves the kids, your wife needs girlfriends. She needs to go places with them, do things with them now and then, and let ther hair down to goof off with them. You will be surprised the energy your wife will gain from time with her girlfriends, and it will energize your marriage too!

If you are a minister, take some time with your wife this week and refocus on these four areas. Help your wife to maximize her womanhood within your ministry and let the blessings it brings amaze you both.

To order a copy of Free to Soar: How You can Love the Church, Serve With Your Husband and Fulfill Your Destiny as a Woman in Ministry for you and your wife, go to www.TouchingLives.org.

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Teresa Merritt is the proud parent of three boys- James Jr., Jonathan and Joshua. She has written and contributed to projects such as Free to Soar (Regal, 2005) and HeartCall: THe Call to Prayer (NAMB, 1998). She resides with her Husband, Dr. James Merritt, outside of Atlanta, GA.

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